Just Peeking
This is my introductory post, my tentative entrance onto the stage, the moment when I sneak one eye to the curtains and peek through. What a spectacle to behold. It's all racket and white noise out there.
But that's just fine.
Yes, I am publishing a blog, and yes, I am late late late. But deciding to publish a blog was an easy choice for two reasons—most blogs are dull, if not unreadable, and most black blogs make blacks look bad (yes, I eschew the clumsy terminology "African-American" but am open to something better than just "black" if you have any ideas). It occurred to me that a blog shouldn't make its presumed beneficiaries look like cretins, so rather than accept affairs as they stand I decided to add my voice to the din. I'm drawing courage for this endeavor from the fact that amid the utter pandemonium of the web my output will be little more than a faraway voice in a howling wind. I can say whatever I like because nobody will hear me.
So, mindful that there isn't a soul listening, I imagine that I might be asked why the blog is called BlackNotBlack. I've got no idea why—it's rhythmic, and the name was available. In retrospect I see that I might have chosen better. For instance, BlackNotBlack can be perverted into BadBadBad, or CrapCrapCrap, but then I remind myself—nobody will make fun of the name because, though there's a huge crowd out there, nobody is looking in my direction.
I might also be asked who the blog is for. That's a question I can answer: Theoretically, it's for people like me. I'm unmarried, college-educated, and well-traveled. I wanted to do what Hemingway or John Huston did, not rock a mic or be like Mike. I've lived outside the United States, which is something a lot more blacks should do, and which I'm going to reference extensively. I don't draw authority from the fact that I make a lot of money—bling is the thing, but it's just an illusion. I don't draw authority from the presumption that I speak God's word—because that is another illusion, and a particularly crippling one for blacks in the U.S. I don't claim any authority at all—I would never do that, because that would mean I wish to exercise power over you.
I definitely don't want that.
At some point during my life and travels I came up with a little game—the Ten-Second Video Moment. Whenever I found myself in a unique situation I imagined it as a pirate signal that I could beam to people. They would see what I saw, experience it from my point of view, but only for ten seconds. Example: you're on the second deck of a giant ferry, fifteen foot seas are breaking over the bow, the deck is pitching so hard people are holding on for dear life, everyone is freezing and soaked to the bone, most have vomited at least once, you're barely managing to hold together a shoebox that is disintegrating because it's so soggy and which contains two angry coatimundi, and if they get out they'll either drown (preferable), or they'll be seen and you'll be arrested for smuggling (not in any way preferable).
See what I mean? Admittedly, nothing contained in that ten second moment qualifies me to post my opinions, but it's an interesting moment nonetheless, no? I mention it because it's related, if only metaphysically, to the concept of blogging. How? Let us simply say that classrooms produce good technical thinkers and writers, but life experience molds thinkers and writers who are better than simply technically proficient. Or put another way—I’ve been around. Having been around is always most useful when you least expect it.
So here's what BlackNotBlack is about—escaping the ghetto of the mind, cracking open the bones of existence and sucking the marrow clean out. BlackNotBlack is about thinking freely. It's about how I think. It's about how the way I think is not subject to the control of others, but rather is a process that I have willfully shaped into a philosophy of how life should be lived by one small, insignificant black person on this planet—me. The philosophy has been road-tested, safety-rated, exposed to inclement weather and ill fortune, and has come out as shiny and flawless as a gemstone. It works perfectly for me. It has gotten me into the exact type of trouble I love and out of the exact type of trouble I fear. I post it here for other free thinkers to examine, and for those who perhaps don't think freely to consider.
posted by Egan Ehlers @ 11:30 PM
11 Comments:
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