How to Roast a Pig's Head and Summon a God
Although I have no readers, if by chance you’re lost and somehow stumbled upon this posting, you probably assumed from the title that it was going to be a political rant. Well, no—BlackNotBlack is never going to be about what you think, and today, to your everlasting misfortune, I’m actually going to instruct you how to cook a pig’s head for a party. You won’t find my recipe (or any pig's head recipe, for that matter) in a cookbook or on Food Television, but you really aren’t anyone until you’ve tried it.
First, be forewarned that actually purchasing a pig’s head can be problematic. I don’t know how you’d do it in the States, but I had to search the most nauseating section of my local market to find one. Since it’s just junk meat, the noggin was located beneath thirty or so pounds of lungs, brains and other delicacies, and it took the butcher a long while to remember where he’d left it. After the purchase I had to carry the head across town in a transparent plastic bag as people steered well clear of both me and the blood trail I dribbled.
When I got the head home I looked at it closely and noticed that it possessed some human characteristics. In general, it reminded me of an old redneck. It had nests of ear hair and a stamp on its forehead that looked like a tattoo. I found both of these facts disturbing, anthropomorphically speaking, but luckily a few hours slow roasting in a 350 degree oven cooked the hairs down to crinkly little nubs and obliterated the forehead ink.
Those who have eaten both pig and human say the two meats are remarkably similar. Since I’ve never eaten man (succulent though he may be), I was surprised by the head’s traits. When you cook your pig’s head, try to ignore its human qualities. As for seasoning, this is actually something to consider carefully, because if you think for a moment the guests at your party won’t eat a pig’s head you’re wrong. Dares and bets alone will account for a third of it being devoured.
So here’s my recipe:
1 pig’s head
salt
pepper
ten bulbs garlic
2 limes
olive oil
a cluster of rosemary
Wash head carefully, particularly underneath, where it has been severed, and pat dry. Be extra careful to rinse out nasal cavities, which may contain mucus from the pig's death rattle. Rub the head (but gently) with broken garlic cloves and set these aside. Coat the head lightly with olive oil, then salt and pepper according to personal preference. You can also add garlic salt or lemon pepper if you like, or, if it’s available where you live, that Essence stuff Emeril is always pushing on his tv show. Slice the limes and place inside the pig’s mouth along with the rosemary and the garlic that was set aside. Bake the head at 350 degrees until dark brown, or until the tips of the ears begin to burn. Remove from oven. Let rest for forty minutes and enjoy!
The roasted head will make a good conversation piece at your party and also serve as a sacrifice to the obscure but powerful santería deity Lord Pig, who may choose to appear by mounting the corporeal forms of various partygoers. Don't be frightened by the spastic movements and guttural moans that result—that's just Lord Pig's way. That’s me at left in the white shirt, under the control of Lord Pig. Also pictured is a friend as she is subsequently mounted. An appearance by Lord Pig is always a good omen, although his power to cloud human minds means most of those present will be unable to recount exactly what happened as the night wore on, while the rest will simply be unwilling. However if you're lucky and one guest can keep his wits in the midst of Lord Pig's mindbending presence, one photo may survive (bottom).
The next day, assuming you can walk, you’ll want to dispose of the head's remains. I decided to sacrifice mine to a pack of troublesome wild dogs that had been terrorizing my neck of the woods, but you may find other uses for yours. When all is said and done, hopefully you will agree that a pig’s head, properly roasted, is all you need to take a run-of-the-mill partyand give it that memorable twist people really enjoy. Even vegetarians (the few who aren't emotionally shattered by the sight of Lord Pig) love the arguments they feel compelled to start.
There’s one more small but important part of the recipe I forgot to mention: 6 rolls of toilet paper. You'll need those the next day, as your digestion does its duty.
Labels: guatemala, pig head, santería
posted by Egan Ehlers @ 8:51 AM
32 Comments:
Oh good grief, way to catch my attention with that first pic. lol
Actually you do have readers and you've disgusted me to no end. I love it. Can't wait for my next party.
You actually expect me to believe a pig's head can actually show up for a party in Rockridge?
How many tear stained complaints to the East Bay Express does it take to shut down a good time at the foot of Liberal Elite Hill?
Damn, wish I was there.
You seem comfortable within the realm of the pagan. I find myself both nauseated and wishing I was there. I heard a story about a guy with dreads at a party who after talking about that Newman movie actually ate like 45 boiled eggs and then threw up in the swimming pool minutes after ingesting #45... was that have been you?
Cool, thanx! And a recipe that involves limes & rosemary, & not ginger & honey to boot!
Anyone living near Pittsburgh can find them at Bell's Market in Braddock, purveyors of all the necessities of urban cuisine as well as many components of haute cuisine. Search YouTube for Bell's Market and take the 1:43 video. Names of all in the comments section.
Apparently you can buy one at Walmart. My cousin had one on the buffet table.
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